The real reason that we find it so easy to love some people is not because they are so wonderful. It is because they are love-able– they are able to allow us to express our Love for them. They do this because they have enough self-love to believe that we are sincere in our appreciation for them, and so they let our Love in.
When we don’t feel good enough about ourselves, we block the Love that others would send us. We can’t accept it. We find it hard to believe a compliment; we imagine slings and arrows behind a simple inquiry directed our way. If we think that we are too old or too fat or too damaged or not worthy enough to find Love, then we won’t. One of our favorite ways to punish ourselves is by not allowing the Love in.
Some people believe that they cannot be happy unless they have a special partner who cherishes them above all others. Unless there is someone to lavish love upon them, they feel empty and sad. I believe that the truth is the complete opposite of this idea. I believe that we can never be happy unless we have someone or something else to lavish our love and attention on. The more loving we are to others, the better we feel about ourselves. The kinder you are to others, the more kindly you will feel toward yourself.
When we offer our Love to others, it makes us feel good. We like to think of ourselves as being loving and open-hearted; we feel good when we see that we have perked up an ailing friend; helped a co-worker; listened with compassion to someone who is hurting. We all want to help, and we are delighted when we know we have made a difference. The very small acts of Love and kindness that people quietly and silently offer all day long are part of what makes us good human beings. We look for ways to help; we feel good when we make a positive difference; we feel better when our Love and support is accepted. Even offering help anonymously feels good– donating to a hunger bank or an animal shelter makes us feel that we have done something to make the world a better place. In giving our time or treasure or talent to another, we are offering our Love.
The next time you feel sad or lonely, turn your thoughts to those around you. Ask yourself, whom do you know who could use a little Love or an unexpected act of kindness? You don’t have to force yourself outside of your comfort zone by making speeches. Instead, try a little nosegay of wildflowers in a jar outside your neighbor’s door; pick up papers in the park; weed your aunt’s garden for her; bring your neighbor’s paper up to her door when you get your own; donate clothing to a shelter or old linens to an animal shelter. You’ll feel better that you did!
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